A Journey Back to My True Self
03. 01. 2025 updated
In this space, I’m setting down the path of my journey—a journey of meeting parts of myself I still don’t fully know, of rediscovering the most natural and comfortable state of being. It’s a decision I’ve made to reconnect with my authentic self.
So, how did I reach this point?
14. September. 2024
From the outside, my life looks fairly well-rounded. I have the material things I need, and I live comfortably. Yet, something has felt missing—an inexplicable void, a feeling of emptiness. I first truly realised, about six months ago, that my heart wasn’t fully in sync with my life.
Each time I achieved a goal, the joy I felt was fleeting, disappearing as quickly as it had come. I’d find myself automatically seeking the next goal, telling myself I had to do more. This sense of urgency, almost compulsive, had become a pattern I’d unconsciously accepted for years. I never questioned it, letting it flow on autopilot, assuming that’s just how life was.
And I kept running, believing that happiness was just over the next hill.
But somewhere along this endless race, I grew exhausted. I began to ask myself, Will my life ever truly reflect what I wish for? And so, I started to genuinely consider what it means to live a happy, fulfilling life.
The first step was to know myself.
I remember once hearing from a mentor that “knowing yourself” is essential to change your life. At the time, I thought, Of course I know myself. But recently, I’ve come to see how mistaken I was.
I barely know myself at all.
So now, I’m committed.
I’m going to be more mindful, to truly listen. I’ll celebrate the gift of being alive, of having a body and a chance to experience life on this earth. This is my restart—a chance to fully embrace and enjoy every moment.
Shedding the Armor : A Journey Toward My True Self
16. September. 2024
Yesterday, I stumbled upon an event at an English Heritage site—a place where historic buildings and gardens are preserved across the UK. This event was a celebration of medieval Europe, packed with music, common folk’s daily lives, noble entertainment, culture, food, and more. The highlight of the day was a Legendary Joust: a mediaeval sport where armored knights on horseback charge toward one another, aiming to strike a target on the opponent’s body or helmet for points.
Watching these knights in their armor, I had a sudden realisation—it felt like I was seeing a mirror image of my own inner world.
For years, I’ve worn my own armor as I’ve journeyed through life.
I wanted to be seen in a certain way, to be admired, to be validated. It started when I was young, seeking approval from my parents, then it extended to friends and others around me as I grew. Today, it’s even directed at my husband and children.
This armor has been my way of hiding my insecurities, of covering up my weaknesses. But after layering on this protection, day after day, I’m starting to feel the weight of it. Waking up each morning, feeling uncomfortable and uneasy, has become exhausting. I’m ready to let go of this version of myself and live more authentically.
I crave the joy of simply being myself, of feeling a deep, unshakable sense of peace. It’s a journey of slowly peeling away the layers of armor I’ve put on, one piece at a time. With each layer I shed, I feel lighter, more at ease, as if I’m returning to a more natural state. And with that lightness comes a well of love and warmth that feels truly freeing.
I imagine this transformation as a distant vision I’m moving toward. Someday, I’ll arrive at a place where I can embrace every part of myself, even the parts I once tried to hide.
So, I’ll begin here. I’ll be gentler, more mindful, and welcome every thought and feeling as they arise. I’ll learn to embrace even the “unpolished” parts of myself.
Thank you for joining me on this journey.♡
Creating a Space That Feels Right : A Personal Project in the Kitchen
26. September. 2024
Part of getting to know myself means really tuning into what I like, what I dislike, what I believe in, and what ideas I’ve unconsciously taken on over the years. It’s a process of reflecting on each one of these things with intention.
One task that kept coming to mind was finally giving attention to a project I’d been putting off for a while: oil-coating the kitchen countertop. I love my wooden worktop, but maintaining it takes a bit of effort.
The last time I did the oil coating, some bubbles had formed, so this time I used a power sander to carefully strip it back. It was a dusty, time-consuming job, but my son, who was on school break, was there to help. We worked together in good spirits, chatting and making the task surprisingly enjoyable.♡
Once we removed all the dust, I applied three layers of oil, letting each coat dry thoroughly. The weather was perfect—dry air and sunshine helped the oil cure quickly, and now the kitchen feels refreshed and tidy!♡
Creating a comfortable, calming space is incredibly important to me. I want my home to feel welcoming and restful, and small details like this make a big difference.
Next on the list? A little makeover for my husband’s home office. 🤭
The Soul-Stirring Sound of a Perfectly Tuned Piano
12. October. 2024
Every cell in my body felt alive, vibrating with the beauty of the sound and scene before me.
For the first time in years, I had my piano tuned. This piano is a Dutch-made antique by Rippen, crafted before plastic keys were common—entirely wooden, with a resonance that’s deep and timeless.
It’s incredible to think of the history and care behind it. Originally crafted by skilled artisans, today it was tuned by an equally skilled piano technician. Watching his expert hands at work, I imagined the love and craftsmanship poured into this instrument over the decades, and I was mesmerized as he played, filling the room with beautiful, rich sound. It was pure therapy.♡
The sound seeped right into my bones, and it’s a feeling I’ll remember often.
Every note seemed to awaken something within me, filling me with pure joy. I’m still savoring the moment, feeling grateful for such a sublime experience.
Creating a Cozy Home Library in Our Office
18. October. 2024
The new shelves in our office were born out of my husband’s simple wish: “I’d like a bookshelf.”
For a while, I hesitated. I wanted to keep our living room open and clutter-free, so adding a bookshelf there wasn’t an option. But the office was another story—it had been a bit chaotic, and I wanted to make the most of its limited space. That’s when I came up with the idea of built-in wall shelves.
Since these shelves needed to be anchored sturdily, I called in a family friend who’s a retired carpenter. He helped me pick out materials, cut the wood to size, and gather all the supplies, including wax for staining.
With my son’s help, we applied the wax, which gave the shelves a warm, rustic look that I love.♡
Once installed, we rearranged the desk, and the room instantly felt more organized and cozy. There’s still room to expand, so for a family of book lovers, it feels like our own little library, making our hearts happy.♡
Now, every time I come home, I can’t help but peek into this room and smile. It’s becoming a favorite part of the house.
For me, creating a home where my family can relax and where I spend most of my time means making it feel just right. Little by little, I’ll keep refining each space, adding those personal touches that make our home a truly comforting place.
A Painful Reminder to Slow Down and Savour Life
23. October. 2024
Last week, something happened that really made me pause.
While out walking, I tripped on the edge of a sidewalk and fell in the most awkward way. Somehow, my left hand hit the ground first, and as I went down, I could almost hear my fingers crack in slow motion—”crack, crack, crack.” I was sure I’d broken my fingers as I hit the ground, blood trickling down.
And what really stung? My freshly done nails from the day before were ruined.
But in a funny twist, those nails probably saved me from a more serious injury. I only ended up with a sprain and a few small cuts. Though I’ve been dealing with some bruising and swelling for about a week, my fingers are slowly healing.
Even with just two sprained fingers, everyday tasks have taken twice as long. And through it all, I started to reflect: Have I been rushing through life?
For as long as I can remember, I’ve lived by a certain tempo: “Get it done quickly.” “Finish on time.” “Don’t be late.” “Efficiency first.”
As a mother, these habits have only intensified, pushing me to squeeze productivity into every minute.
But this fall taught me something different. I realised, maybe I don’t need to rush. What if I slowed down, took my time, and tried savouring each moment?
Instead of just tolerating the pain, I focused on it. I noticed that sometimes it hurt less, sometimes more, with moments of dullness and sudden stings. Surprisingly, even that act of focusing brought me joy—my body feels, it experiences. I started turning my attention to my other senses as well:
The textures I feel in my hands,
the view in front of my eyes,
the scent of air as I breathe,
the warmth and taste of food,
even the sound of the breeze calming my mind.
When I slow down and really notice these things, I’m struck by how much happiness lies in each moment.
By focusing on my senses, the noise in my mind quiets, until it fades completely. I’m learning that the richness of life comes from how deeply we can savour each passing moment.
This is that “be present” mindset we always hear about. So today, I’ll try to enjoy each little detail, experiencing it fully and gratefully.
My Cherished Workspace as a Felt Florist
24. October. 2024
Being a felt florist has been my passion and profession for seven years now. Since starting my handmade business, I’ve been lucky to have a dedicated workspace at home. Though it’s a small area, it’s where my journey began and where I’ve built this dream.
When my kids were little, this space became a sanctuary of sorts. It allowed me to communicate, even non-verbally, that “Mom’s working right now.” With a clear purpose and strong resolve, I started my business here, as a homemaker with no formal experience or training in business. Since then, I’ve gained knowledge, skills, and invaluable connections, all of which I’m endlessly grateful for.
Today, I wanted to share a bit about my workspace itself.
Over the years, the materials and tools have naturally multiplied. So, I decided to reset the space, declutter, and redesign it in a way that’s both efficient and inspiring. The room is a compact 2.8m x 2.8m, but I’ve carefully arranged it to maximise functionality and make it a place that truly sparks joy.
Here are the elements that make it my ideal creative space:
- The Giant Flower – the first thing you see when you enter, a statement piece that feels personal and uplifting.
- Tripod at the Ready – always set up, so I can snap photos anytime.
- L-shaped Desks – to maximise work surface and create a seamless workflow.
- Dual-Scale Ruler Stickers – with both inches and centimetres for convenience.
- Upright Storage for Tools – scissors and wires are easy to access and neatly stored.
- Cozy Long Stool with Storage – providing extra comfort while keeping essentials close at hand.
- Favourite Flower Arrangements – adding a personal and motivating touch.
At this moment, this space feels like the ultimate environment for creativity and productivity.
🌛 Dreaming of an Expanded Studio
Someday, I’d love to have a workspace with a large window that lets in plenty of sunlight, overlooking trees and a stream. Adding a photo studio for large-scale shoots and a massive central table would be a dream come true. I imagine having enough space for all packaging supplies, a workshop area, and enough storage to keep everything in one dedicated room.
But for now, I’m here in my little workspace, happily creating each flower arrangement. Someday, perhaps, that dream studio will become a reality.
Exploring the Power of Vibration and Self-Love
03. January. 2025
Everything in the universe is vibration. At its core, everything is made up of particles, and these particles are in constant motion. This frequency of vibration is what shapes the world around us.
To live in happiness is to emit a high vibration. The energy you radiate ripples out like waves, affecting everything and everyone around you. When your vibrations are positive, they bring positivity to the world.
The Essence of Love
Loving others begins with loving yourself. You cannot truly give love to others if you don’t first embrace it within. If your love for others doesn’t seem to reach them, perhaps it’s because you’ve yet to cultivate enough love for yourself.
But what does loving yourself truly mean?
1. Recognizing and Transforming Self-Negativity
We often unconsciously deny ourselves by holding onto limiting beliefs or self-critical thoughts:
- “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
- “This emotion is ugly or wrong.”
- “Only bad people think like this.”
These habits of dismissing or suppressing emotions are acts of self-rejection. Instead of crossing out parts of yourself, choose to embrace everything you feel—even the difficult or “ugly” emotions. They are simply part of your current self, nothing more, nothing less. Emotions are like fleeting pages in the book of life.
Commit to being more aware of these patterns. Allow yourself to feel fully, knowing it’s okay to face even the uncomfortable thoughts. By accepting every part of you, you move closer to genuine self-love.
2. Letting Go of False Beliefs
Sometimes, we operate under misguided notions without even realizing it. For example:
- Believing that happiness is finite—if you have it, someone else must lose it.
- Thinking that pursuing your own happiness is selfish or wrong.
- Settling for “that’s just how life is” without exploring deeper fulfillment.
The truth is, happiness is abundant, and your joy doesn’t take away from others. You are the creator of your world, the protagonist of your story. Freeing yourself from these limiting beliefs opens the door to new possibilities.
3. Listening to Your Desires
Pay attention to what you truly want in every moment. Ask yourself:
- “What outcome would feel the best right now?”
- “What would make me feel good in this situation?”
This practice aligns with the teachings of Abraham Hicks: live each day with intention and clarity.
- When you wake up, decide that it will be a joyful day.
- While eating breakfast, savor each bite and choose bliss.
- During morning chats with your children, create a peaceful and happy environment.
In every moment, refine your desires and let them guide you.
Finding Joy in the Everyday
True happiness isn’t about grand gestures; it’s about appreciating life’s little moments. Instead of rushing through daily life, focus on increasing your sensitivity to joy and building a life rich in meaningful experiences.
This realization has helped me deepen my gratitude and begin uncovering my “true self.” As 2025 unfolds, I’m excited to continue this journey of self-discovery, savoring each moment and embracing the lessons along the way.
Here’s to a year of living with intention, gratitude, and love! 🌸